Sirens Story: Dear Diary Its BrandiHow do i explain the lonely feeling that eats at my gut every waking moment... And even my dreams are consumed with heartbreaking visions of my... Well no longer my Siren... When it ended my world shattered. I lay awake at night thinking of her.. Always of her.. With only our first dildo to comfort me. Each night i probe at my lonely cunt wishing she were hear fucking me, her hand guiding the dildo into my pussy... I close my eyes and fuck myself in the exact rhythm Siren normally used on me... If i close my eyes hard enough i can almost feel her breath on my hot wet core... When i open them to see if shes there, my heart aches and I fuck myself harder trying to push away the pain. Or should i say replace the mental pain with physical pain.... I could forgive her, i would do anything say anything but her eyes are so cold now, when i see her i feel like my sick mind is playing tricks on me.. Shes not the same! In my darkest hours I think of him fucking her.. His big hairy dick pushing in and out of her so tight so suculant cunt... Jealousy consumes me! I can see her wrap those long beautiful legs around his hips, i can even feel the rhythm of him ramming her! And worst of all i hear her scream his name... Her voice seams to echo in my ears at all times, and its always his name on her tounge... Ive become a pain whore all on my own... I cut myself in diffrent places and write her name all over my body in my blood.. I do this almost every night........ I bought a new dildo its 10 inches and about two inches or so thick... Ive decided to fuck my ass for the first time.. The dildo has a suction cup on it so i can stick it to my desk chair so that i can impale my virgin ass on it.. I did it last night.. I set up a camera so that i may re-live this experience.. I began by cutting myself 8 times in diffrent places.. Then when the blood flow was enough i wrote Siren all over myself even my face! I stood there naked in the mirror looking myself over.. I took out a pair of panties that belonged to siren and put them around my face and inhaled... When i felt that i had made all the proper preperations i sat my chair (dildo firmly attached) infront of the mirror where i had a picture of Siren.. I decided i wanted this to hurt as much as possible so i didnt bother with lubes.. I didnt even spread my ass cheeks.. I just sat down on the thing! It didnt go straight in at first, it just spreaded my cheeks and pushed a little inside of me... The pain was exquiste, i decided to start over.. This time i did spread my cheeks... I sat down on the big dildo as hard as i could, ripping and tearing at my virgin dry ass pushing pass my spincter and bottoming out deep inside of myself... The pain was delicious... I grabbed the picture of my beloved and whispered her name, while i bounced on the huges plastic cock... I kissed the picture then put it back in its proper place.. I gripped the arms of my chair and bounced hard and fast.. Beign that my ass was dry each stroke tore at my insides and sent shock wave through my body.. I was bouncing so hard and fast that i wasn't able to stop the dildo from coming out of my ass and into my pussy... With a sigh i lifted myself up and with a slurp the fake dick plopped out of my dripping wet cunt.. I lined my ass up with the dildo again and impaled myself on it... I started a rhythm to insure that the dildo would not enter my pussy again.. I lifted my ass up slowly then slamed hard onto the big dick.. I was slamming so hard that each time i knocked the wind out of myself.... And then my bitch ass body betrayed me by letting me have an orgasm! Even though I felt slightly satisfied that there was blood leaking from my ass i was still mad that I couldnt stop the orgasm from cumming.. I fucking hate myself... The next day i couldnt really walk.. My ass was deliciously sore.. As I layed in my bed unable to move I let my mind explore ideas.. I thought about killing myself.. Then I thought if i did that Siren would feel guilty and i didnt want that.. I thought about kidnapping her taking her some place far and making her love me again.. But I would need help and I dont have that.. The thought of raping her was one of my favorite ideas I would have to give that more thought later.. I did decide i was going to cut my hair.. My hair is so long that when im naked it slips into my ass crack, that use to be cute cuz Siren liked it but now... Now not so much.. I hobbled into my bathroom pulled out a pair of scissors and started chopping.. My mom is going to kill me.. But maybe, just maybe when school starts back she'll notice me and maybe since he will be gone she'll want me again.. I prayed to a God who doesnt listen to me but i could still dream.. When I finished cutting my hair i almost didnt recoginze myself, it was uneven but i really didnt care... I took the scissors and cut across my boob and watch the blood trickle down my nipple, and then down my flat long torso.. And it kept going then dissapeared into the slit of my pussy Siren come back to me before its to late...